8 Signs You’ve Experienced Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse can be subtle and confusing, leaving you questioning yourself long after the relationship ends. If you’ve ever wondered whether what you endured was abusive, here are eight common signs to help you understand the impact of narcissistic behavior.  

A Note to Readers:  

This article is specifically intended for individuals who are no longer in unsafe relationships. If you are currently experiencing domestic violence or are otherwise not physically safe, please prioritize your safety and reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for support:

• Call: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)  

• Text: "START" to 88788  

• Visit: www.thehotline.org  

Help is available 24/7 with trained advocates who can assist you.  

1. You Constantly Question Your Reality  

Gaslighting is a hallmark of narcissistic abuse. You might find yourself doubting your memories or feeling like you’re “too sensitive” because they rewrote events to fit their narrative.  

Example:  

Jenna’s mother often denied harsh things she said, like calling Jenna “a failure.” When Jenna brought it up, her mom would respond: “I never said that. You’re just making things up again.” Jenna began to doubt her own memories and avoided confrontation altogether.  

2. You Walked on Eggshells  

Every interaction felt like a potential minefield. You were always calculating how to avoid their anger, disappointment, or silent treatment.  

Example:  

Jake’s partner would explode at him over minor inconveniences, like forgetting to buy the right coffee brand. He found himself overthinking every action to avoid setting her off, even though it never seemed to be enough.  

3. Your Boundaries Were Ignored  

Narcissists push boundaries repeatedly, whether it’s invading your privacy, demanding your time, or dismissing your needs. You may feel like you never had control over your own life.  

Ava’s father would barge into her room and read her journal, dismissing her protests by saying, “I’m your parent—I have the right to know everything about you.” Ava felt like she had no privacy or autonomy in her own home.  

4. You Felt More Like a Tool Than a Person  

Narcissistic relationships are often one-sided. You were valued for what you could do for them—your energy, time, or status—rather than who you are as a person.  

Example:  

Erica’s partner would only be kind to her when he needed her help with work or wanted to show her off at events. When she asked for emotional support, he’d brush her off, saying, “I don’t have time for this right now.”  

5. You Experienced Extreme Highs and Lows  

The cycle of idealization and devaluation left you emotionally exhausted. One day, you were their favorite person; the next, they treated you like you were worthless.  

Example:  

Samantha’s mother would praise her for getting good grades but lash out at her over small mistakes, like spilling a drink. Samantha constantly sought her mother’s approval but never knew what mood she’d encounter.  

6. Your Self-Worth Took a Hit  

Over time, their criticism, manipulation, and blame likely chipped away at your confidence, leaving you feeling inadequate or ashamed.  

Example:  

Dana stopped applying for new jobs because her partner constantly reminded her that she wasn’t “qualified enough” or that she’d fail anyway. Eventually, she started believing him and gave up on her career dreams altogether.  

7. You Were Isolated  

They may have pulled you away from friends, family, or other support systems, making you feel dependent on them for everything.  

Example:  

Lila’s partner convinced her that her friends didn’t care about her and that they were “bad influences.” Over time, Lila stopped reaching out to her friends and relied solely on her partner for support.  

8. You Blamed Yourself for Their Behavior  

Narcissists rarely take accountability. Instead, they project their actions onto you, leaving you wondering if you’re the problem when it’s really their manipulation at play.  

Example:  

Ryan’s father would yell at him for not being “good enough,” and when Ryan expressed hurt, his dad would respond: “If you weren’t so lazy, I wouldn’t have to get angry.” Ryan internalized the blame and believed he was the reason for their strained relationship.  

What Now?  

If any of these signs resonate with you, it’s not your fault. Healing from narcissistic abuse takes time, self-compassion, and sometimes professional support. You deserve relationships where you feel safe, valued, and whole.